Part (4)

Steps toward Nowhere

She goes to college everyday, having a great time with her friends, she met a lot of new friends and all of them were nice. One day she was in the gym, she used to work out for one hour every day. He was there, working out too; they had mutual admiration for each other but never did any direct contact. She was waiting for his first move; she did not want to do the first move because simply she does not show that she is desperate and clueless. Since she never hocked herself with anyone; so on that day the gym was almost empty only from few exercisers, so he gathered his courage and decided to talk to her, as he was approaching his friend showed up and they started to chat for a while; she was working on a treadmill, she was close to them pretending that she was busy with her “fake” work out. She found out from their conversation that he was newly wedded and had a baby. It was a big shock to her; she immediately returned back home with a big disappointment. She headed to her room and dived in her empty cold world; she thought: How men are getting scary these days. She went to the gym the next day she did not see him there, he never came back again. She got mad because she wanted to punch him in his face because she felt that she wasted her emotions on a married man and that frustrated her. But she told herself: “better for me to move on”. Yes, that what she tells herself every time “IS TO MOVE ON” she always moves on; dust herself off and go on in her life. She never looks back, never had any hesitations in her decisions. All that, after every failure in finding love, she remembers him she remembers his eyes, his smile, his voice. She knows that she can not do anything, she is afraid of confronting him. She misses him a lot, she misses her old friend who used to be very dear to her. She went his family’s house the other day for a dinner party hoping that he might have changed, but she found him the same guy that she hated, he talks and laughs with everybody except her.

His sister got engaged, she was very happy for her. She imagined “his” wedding, she imagined when she is preparing to go to his wedding. She got sad, she does not want him to get married, unless she does first, so that jealousy would not conquer her heart and that will show on her face and behavior. On his sister’s wedding, it was a lavish wedding, she looked stunning, and she looked severely attractive, simply she was the most beautiful girl in the whole party. When she entered the hall all the eyes followed her until she sat on her chair; the women started whispering, wondering who she is. He did not take his eyes out of her the whole evening, and when she looks at him he looks the other way. She smiles and she keeps telling herself: “Is it true?? Or I’m just imagining” “Does he has a crush on me?? Or he just misses me” “If he has feelings for me why he is so rude to me??!!” Many questions hovered over her head and she does not have the answers of any of them.

In her senior year in college, she was having a midterm for a difficult major subject; she got out of the exam very exhausted, she spoke to her mother on the cell phone to assure her that she did well on the exam. She ripped out few papers and threw it in the trash can and headed to her professor’s office to check her grades. He was watching her actions all the time and followed her wherever she goes, all that and she did not notice him. However, she went to the mall with her friend, they sat in a café and chatted, he was in a nearby table. The next day, she was about to enter her classroom she saw him in the corridor she felt that his face is familiar; he seemed that he was waiting for someone, sipping his coffee and enjoying his cigarette in the cold weather. She was wondering who is he especially he is not a student because he was not carrying any books or notes, and he looked old. He saw her and approached her and asked her some silly questions about the professors and she felt that he just wanted to hit on her but she liked him. She answered his questions with a smile and he told her: “ You are a smart girl; I’ve stalking you since yesterday and I did not have the courage to talk to you, but now I have the courage to tell you that I like you and I want to go out with you sometimes”. She agreed and the relationship started and lasted for one year, she liked him, he was a gentleman with a sweet personality; they got married eventually. She was very happy because at last she found the man who she wants to live with her whole life, she also hoped that this marriage might cure her heart from its confusion, and maybe she will stop thinking of “him” permanently.

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April 30, 2012. Story.

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