Part (7)

Steps toward Nowhere

Their relationship got deeper and closer than she thought it would be. He is as lonely and hollow as she is; although her relationship with her husband is more than excellent but he is always away and distanced mentally and physically. However; “he” got attached to her also, he likes her “the fake her”. He started to ask her out, to meet in a café or in a beach house. She showered him with many excuses, she felt pressured by his insistence she is afraid of demands that she can not accept, and on the contrary she felt angry because she wants to meet him, even in a “fake” identity. She wished for a magic wand that transfers her to someone else so that she can meet him. He never gave up asking her out, as she screams at the laptop screen: “Don’t ask me anything that I can not do, please”, she was devastated she ran to her friend: “What shall I do?” “I’m in a deep shit, I can not control myself, and I’m completely out of control”. Unfortunately, he addicted to her, they chat every day and when she stops chatting with him for several days, she misses him and runs back to him, and she finds him there waiting for her. And from the word “HI” HE STARTS TO ASK HER “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” “I MISS YOU” “DON’T LEAVE ME AGAIN”. She feels the heat of his passion, her body is on fire; they are getting more connected to each other. She knows that she should stop seriously before something bad would happen.

Her husband started to suspect her current situation. She is always distanced, smiles as she is daydreaming, simply because she remembers her chat with him, her husband caught her several times when she blushes and get really happy when she is on her laptop. Her husband started to question her, but she denied it, she convinced him that “everything is the same but you were too busy to notice” However, guilt feelings started to eat her guts. On the other hand, “he” is dying to meet her, she is thinking of leaving him for good, but he has to do it first, he must hate her. “YES, that is what I must do” she said to herself, she decided to make him hate her; she started to be mean and rude with him , she turned to a ruthless cynical person and the plan worked.

Finally, he broke up with her, she ended it successfully. She felt guilt free and unattached; she simply set him free and watched him fly away living his adventurous life. “Now I’m back to my lonely empty tasteless life again”, so she decided to start a new chapter in her life hoping that it goes for the best. That what actually happened, she went on in her life, taking care of her family. Between her and herself, she sometimes remembers him; she remembers her “fake” relationship with him. She says to herself “If he liked the “fake” me would he also like “the real ME””. “If we both clicked immediately why in the real world we act like strangers, I mean we used to be close friends”. Days and months have passed; however, she realized that what she feels towards him right now is the extend of what she used to feel towards him when she was a little girl that he is a special friend, the dearest one to her heart, that she never gets bored with. So she decided to act friendly around him, she wants to make peace with him, so whenever she sees him in a family gathering she tries to open a conversation with him, she tries to attract him with an interesting topic. Fortunately, she succeeded in her plan; they finally became friends, she was really happy, now she feels that everything back to normal she is never confused any more.

But she noticed something strange, whenever they chat especially when the room is almost empty his eyes glow and he does not want to end the conversation with her. They chatted about almost everything. Whenever they meet they chat for long time as if they are catching up what they left years ago. The chemistry between them cannot be denied even her sister noticed, she asked her: “is there anything between you guys?” she answered:”NO we are just friends”. She keeps on convincing herself that nothing between them and that she loves her husband and she will NEVER risk her marriage. But deep down she is in agony, they sometimes chat on the phone and sometimes they “bump” into each other in cafes or grocery stores. When she sees him she wants the globe to stop going round for few minutes to stay with him as long as she can. Many questions going on in her head, “Why we are not in a real relationship?” “I feel his passion towards me and I’m sure that he feels my passion towards him why we are not together?” “What happened few years ago? What is the reason for avoiding me this long time?” YES! She is in agony because chatting with him every once in a while or seeing him by coincidence every three months is totally not enough for her.     

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May 17, 2012. Story.

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